The time you spent together felt so less when you can do so much more and when the time comes, Boom! A whole body in the grave.
We are all one step in the grave. All of us. We didn't realise that. We were not told from the start of our lives that we are dying. Time is ticking. Sure we have no countdown clock that help us and tell us when our time is up. But we are dying! You, me, your mother, your father, your grandmother, my grandmother, everybody! We are all dying. Sure doesn't seems much. But it feels like a lot when we experience it. It feels like a thing stuck in you gut wishing you did what you had in mind before those things happen to you. Those accident, the situation, the break up, the disease, the phenomena, the natural disaster. All of those things that separate us when we least expect it. You are damn right if you are thinking that the chances it happens to you are little. You are damn right! But how can you be sure that it will never ever happen to you? Try to be all alone, being solitude makes people feels tough. That's damn right. But how long can you withstand solitude? Be it alone, CAN YOU WITHSTAND SOLITUDE?
Two months back, I experience heartbreak. I didn't exactly lose someone yet. But it was almost like it. It's like a small relationship problem for both of us and I didn't make a significant move. I was static, afraid, not willingly doing what I should be doing and we ended up suffering. (p.s. private life... will consider to talk later). Two days back, I went back to my university to have a lunch with one of my lecturer and she just had a lot of emotional feelings piling up on her. Loss of a godmother and a physically injured friend which might be for a long term (as in forever). So much that she is feeling and so little I can do to calm her. One thing that I had learn from the past is that, sometimes the people who has spiritually moved on wants you to be happy even when they are dead. They want you to live life with a smile. I think that is the most important thing in the entire world. Even after you are dead, you want the people around you to be happy. To be happy that they knew you. That is how life goes. We live for ourselves and also for the people around us.
What if you had to make the decision to pull of someone's life because the medical records says that there is no point on plugging in the machine to allow the body to live? That the brain is dead and there is no more looking at him/her coming back alive. How does it feels if we never ever knew that person at all? You may have no sympathy for them, maybe a little for them and their family. But it would all be different for your family isn't it? Because they are the one who is there for you. From the start to the end.
Last Saturday I heard kids. You know, kids being kids, shit talking their parents. Acting out being like a gangster from a gangster movie in Malaysia called Abang Long Fadil and being mean. They just go on being like a big boy gonna gun you and your family down and so it goes on until I heard he said he hit his mom. That triggered me a little. Although he is just a kid, but I was literally upset. Upset with how this generation's children are being brought up and NO! I am not flaming anyone or all of the children in this generation. That is literally called as flaming without a substantial proof. But I had encountered with children who has the mindset of it is fine speaking anything without a single care towards other people's feeling. I mean like, won't you feel regret if you lose someone who was there for you but you bad mouthed them or mistreated them. Just feel. Like just stop for a moment and think. Which is better? Clear off your sins before you or them pass on or have the usual "Ah, f*** it" attitude? Just imagine one day without the person that is close to you, that made you pissed off for a short period of time. Will it hurt? Will you miss them? Will you ask for others for their whereabouts?
See I don't know what you are facing through this life. Maybe you are a kid, unable to pursue your dreams because your parents told you not to and you are crossed with them. Maybe you are a person who has just lost a few people who are close to you, be it recently or long time ago. Be it emotionally or physically. But here I am just telling you with all that I've been through, whatever happens to you, just be you. It is okay to cry for a day. It is okay to feel the pain circulating around your body, in your heart. I know and I don't. I know the feeling and I don't know the feeling, what you had been through and how is it like. Feels like things happen for without a reason. But do believe this, they who left you physically and emotionally wants you to be happy. Those who are still around wants you to smile and enjoy the good things around you. To be there with them. To love others as much as how they do.
Living is hard, but dying is harder. Knowing how much tears that will shed. But when I die, I at least want the people who knows me smile because they knew me and all the time we had spent together, not cry because they did not do enough. I believe that is what most of us think...
What about you?
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