Skipped a month XD

Hey guys, it's November now and I forgotten to post for October. Yes guys, I forgot. I am so sorry that I always let people down when I had already promised them something.

Life is hard. No one ever said it is easy. I am so sorry about grunting about how hard life is for me. But at the same time, I am pretty grateful to you guys who always comes back to check on my blog, putting your caring thoughts about me although it's like 0.00001% of your life. Nevertheless, thank you very very much.

So, in the month of October there was nothing much to talk about it. I only have two subjects through out the whole semester and it is a 7 week sem. Yaaaayyyyyy. To be frank, on this date itself I am already free. I have no finals no nothing at all to do.  I had passed up all of my assignments and so on and so forth and most importantly, I have no finals!!!! Yeahhhhhh. I am free!!!

Pretty much this sem is all about training and going bowling and getting better and so on for an upcoming competition that is at 24th of November... Which had already passed and also we lost freaking freaking badly. Nevertheless an experience is one that is to be cherish. But this time I lost my cool on this particular competition. Everything happen was like totally shit. None of us, not even the strongest bowler in UTAR could cope up to the lanes. We just couldn't understand the method to play on the lane. We screwed up a big time. Most likely because the lanes weren't standard and the organisers are students!!! Freaking students conduct a regional competition and even joined to play in this competition. Freaking bullshit! Of course they would set up in a place where they are familiar to play. Not only they choose a place which has a lot of flaws, even the system and timing is a total bullshit and ripoff.

I really hate to be this weak. Especially when I have to give explaination to people around me. It's like a spear poking through me time and time over again. It is just so hurtful. I had never ever been this weak during competition. I went back home feeling frustrated. Kept on and on asking God, the purpose of this happening to me. The reason to keep on playing, give me faith, hope, reason. I just stopped believing in myself. No more faith. No more strength. I couldn't even stand to go for the second day of the competition. I went there like a weak person and ended up making friends. I mean, I love it when I make new friends. But its just that I couldn't even reach my average score during the competition. It is so hurting that all of the time and money, the struggles that I had been through, the lies, the explaination, the suffering, the pain, the injuries, the healing , everything that I had done was just wasn't worth it. I just like a lost hope. I couldn't believe that I just lost like that. Fall off so badly. I don't really know what to do or what to feel now. Only God can help me right now I guess.

In Jesus name I believe, amen.

#blacknovember #badmonth #badtimes


p.s. I will post another post since I skipped one month's post. Post it later after I think of a relevent points on things that happens around nowadays. Below are the pictures that I recently caught throughout these two months. Hope it's good enough to reilluminate this blog. Good night peeps :D

 The picture of a moon surrounded by clouds

 Entrance to the waterfall of Jeram Toi

 Waterfall from the Damp of Ulu Bernam

Sleep

I can't sleep...
I am afraid. Scared.
Because I know, that this time... I most likely could not reach your expectation... Muchless mine... I have had so many sleepless night and just feels like, I could not do the things I used to be able to do anymore. Mom, I am sorry. I am useless. I suddenly became so weak. Full of pride but yet foolish. I wouldn't be able to be the person who you think I could become. I do not regret my choice and decision. It is all my fault that made me came to this position. Sorry mom. There is nothing wrong with the things around. It's me. Myself is the problem. I am so sorry.

Girls

Girls are silly...
but that's what makes the adorable.
Damn what the hell am I thinking.

Sorry this is a very short post as I have not much time. I have final exams in 2 more weeks so I would be busy and will not be updating in this 1 month time. Thank you for staying tune. Have a nice month ahead. Goodbye

ARE MALAYSIANS RUDE?!

Just a video where my wonderful seniors had made! Really open up my eyes! Please do support! Give a like and share it out if you thing it is great!

A song

This will be a super short post. Sorry for not posting after for so long!
I promised once a month and I lied again. Sorry.


So I had written two new songs.
I had completed one of it and I am currently working on it.
I promise to post about it when I am finished :D

Dear you

Dear you,

How is outside there? How is it like at Spain? Waking up early to get a good breakfast.
Walk outside with some newly seen friends knowing stuffs that we could never find in Malaysia.
Comparing it with the stuffs we have and so on so forth. Talking about life but not about me. Explaining your origins, listen to the newly stuff that I could had never pour to you. Hopefully you are happy and I am praying for your happiness.

From:
Dear me...

Christina Grimmie

This blog is not about to describe a person. It's more to describe my life. Therefore if you came by to read about Christina... You wouldn't get much info anyway

Christina Grimmie has been an idol to me. The way she sings, the way she talk and everything about her is beautiful. She moved on at 11th of July getting shot by a man with two guns who shot himself afterwards as well.

I really admire Christina Grimmie since 2011 when first the song Just A Dream came out. I always like that song as it really somehow describe me, my life during 2009 where things sucks as hell.

Her voice moved me. Everytime I study I would on her song just to have a good time by myself listening to a person who is good at it. 

Just now I woke up at 2 am wanting to do something. Ended up playing League of Legends. I wanted to play one last game and then I was assign to play a character I haven't play a long time... Ahri, The Nine Tails Fox. Last I play Ahri was like 3 to 5 years back and had not played her for a freaking long time. Had good fun with playing Ahri. Some of the videos about Christina was her playing Ahri missing skillshots... I played and made sure I carried the game. 

RIP Christina.... I will miss your songs and covers...

I will always imagine how would you sing this song and that song. You are beautiful and God wants you to be with him. Go and entertain another world. You will do fine... I am sure of it :)

Hey :DDD

Hello :D
It's my birthday again this time and date :P
Happy birthday to me :)
Spending my time at home in front of my laptop
#lifeless
ahahah
Thanks for reading. Goodbye :P

Giving up or Continue?

Heyya guys :)
It's been a long time right?
So yeah. I will talk about something depressing when you saw the topic but no...
It is a question to you. To those who are in a relationship actually.
My question is to you that who felt depress, like you've been asking yourself, Why he/she is so cold? He/She is not answering my call, Why? Should I break up?
Well, think of the stuff that actually makes this relationship goes on. Not to mention the duration, but never care about that. Duration doesn't matter. You see, if I show you a piece of white paper with a black dot and ask what do you see? You will tell me about the black dot first regardless of what comes next. We are always fixated to find the faults and never see the smiles and memories that actually we treasure it.

In my experience, I actually agree to broke up which was a fool of me...
Now I wake up everyday missing of the things I used to do. The feelings I used to have. The regrets that I had done. It hurts a lot actually and if you see. I try to think about what could be fix and try to throw it all. In the end it turns to mistakes. Send her messages where she would not think of. Till now I am not sure whether she had read it or not...

So back to my question
Which is more worth in your current situations? Going with the person whom you love/loved and re-find back the love you had lost or just quit? Giving in to your ego or letting your ego down?
Choice is yours :)

Peace out :D

The thing I hate the most

Lies!!!!

That would be lies....
I hate to hear lies. I dislike them very much. It makes me angry if I detect them. It makes me even more angrier when I trust that sentence and later on find out to know that that statement is a freaking lie.
I don't get it. Be honest. It doesn't kills to be honest. I can't face a person who tell lies to me nor can I let them go. There is always a doubt. Was it my fault? or was it for the fun of it so a lie was told?

I am a very emotional person with my multiple personality syndrome. But when I am caught in a lie, thousands of personality will react to it. Most of em are negative! and trust me. I would do some crazy stuff just after knowing its a lie! I always go against the flow of life. I will feel guilty doing so but I am forced to. I can be real after knowing you are fake, can I? So be prepared to face the fake me. It will hurt a lot and it will be that way until God knows when...

THE END!!!!!!!!!

Awesome video from my seniors! It's super funny and fun to watch. Please do suscribe and give a like

How fast life pass

I am already in my uni level where I am about to finish my foundation studies.
A friend of mine who is always like a sister to me just lost her father Saturday morning. Her father was sick for about a month. It was an early warning for Lord to keep them ready before He takes the noble man to His side. This actually made me very sad. Deep inside my heart I just wanted to give her a hug and tell her to be strong. Are you really okay right now? It's okay to be not okay. It's okay to tear up a little for a few weeks or months. Its okay, it really is. Don't lie to me about anything. I don't like it when I sense it. I can feel your sadness radiating miles away reaching towards me.

Few months back, a person consulted me on their grandmother who fell very very ill
I dare not give hope to her saying that a person is going to be alright all along. I am not God to know whether they will live longer or not. I always do not ponder around the people who are sick. I ponder around the people who felt down because of the people they care about were sick.

I don't really know how long does it takes you to read this. Maybe a day, maybe a week. But please please please, I know you can't show negative emotions in public. But please do not lie. Not this way of lie...

I can't live without you

I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU

That's what most of us say to each other, to the ones we love, to the ones we like, to the ones we cherish about. But you all should correct what you say there. It was never Can't live. You still do live if they leave you. It's I couldn't live properly without you.

I realize that about a month after a break up. It was hard at first. was hard not to go into my facebook messenger. Was hard holding my phone. I topple them everywhere as I do not have the strength to held on the thing that I had always hold on to.. with a wishful thinking I set it on silent and look out at the balcony.

Taking drugs was not my favorite. I mean alcohol. I drank a lot last week. Keep on drinking and drinking. Filled the floor of my balcony with one bottle and another one and another one and another one. Memories grows stronger same goes with the depression. Sadness and then comes miss. Then there goes the hand. Finish another poem to be publish

Support

This is a video from my friend that explains about love. Please do help them. Suscribe and also comment on the video :) your help is much appreciated

Death Anniversary

Today is 22nd of march...
today is a sad day
this is the date when Mr.Guna died...
he died in 22nd march 2011
he was a wonderful teacher and my reason how I'd score my UPSR straight A's

maybe to some of you, you might think, scoring straight A's in UPSR is simple. But my attitude that time, no... I can't do it without him

maybe some of you those who don't know him wouldn't mind about it
but he was a wonderful teacher, a friend and a nice father
I still have the sms when his friend took his phone, reloaded it and send the message that he had pass away till now...
After five years, today, once again I looked at that particular message and pray
Dear God,Please bless him where ever he is...
I love you Mr.Guna
You went away too soon
It cracked our heart

Sincerely
Victor Ong

Not my best

This is not my best video but I was just simply doing this video.... took bout 10 minutes to finish it... easy job... I really like the song tho :P

Sorry

I got a story read that is title: Girls

but I can't post it now as I haven't finish writing it and it might take a while. Thanks for visiting and hope you have a good day, good week and good life coming soon :D 

Laughter to cover up darkness in the heart

Just so tired of exaggerating people... They never notice that they are stepping on you.
Through the darkness of my heart that tempt me to be negative...
Lets change that instead


Darkness creates a new light

Time vs love...

Time vs love

It's hard for me to move on as I am a sentimental person. After the break up, a lot of things happened. There was much confession back and forth. Emotions are running to high. I didn't thought that it would be this hard. Honestly, everyday I tempted to be in a new relationship. To get a new girlfriend. To find a new leash To get someone to understand me and be my leaning place. To restart... but I can't. Everyone is perfect no matter what you look like, how is your physical condition, your spiritual condition your emotions, the way you speak, the way you talk, the way you love... and I am grateful for all this love shown to me... But I am not ready. I'll never be in this time being as I am wounded and being crippled so badly. Been holding back my tears for so long, for a person who has gone for so long, for a promise that can never be fulfilled. Every single night, my tears just swells up in my eyes, begging just to flow out. Every single day, my heart just sank to the bottom when my mind triggers of how deep the wound is showing me that I can never be the same. Although yeah, you see me jumping around doing my happy face. But the heart was not there. and that hurts a lot...

You promised that
you'd never leave...
where are you now?

A very sad song for broken hearts Michael Ortega

Boy texts girl: I love you :(

Girl says: ok...

Boy: Why is it you always wait for me to say I love you. Why is it that I have to be the first to say good morning or goodnight for you to say it to me? 

Girl: I don't talk to people first; I wait for others to hit me up. 

Boy: Then, why was it you didn't want to go to the event the other day with my friends?

Girl: I don't know your friends, why go if I don't know them. 

Boy: but, that's the purpose; to meet them. 

Girl: why can't u just leave me alone, always bothering me trying to insist in me doing what you want. Can't you think of how I feel?

Boy: Yes I do. My God, haven't all the things I've done for you proved you all the love I have in you? The time I covered you up when you were raped. The things I went through with the threats of your step father thinking I was bad for you? The time I waited for you or the times I always came back to you when u didn't want me? What happened to all that?

Girl: Fuck you, bye...I guess it's over. You're too childish. 

Boy: why are you breaking up again? Doesn't it hurt you to see that you are the one acting childish? Sometimes I like to feel loved, why can't you make some sacrifices like I do for you? 

Girl: (no answer).

Boy Thinks: My God I wanted to marry her; I lost my virginity to her. Why do girls always think guys are the jerks when guys like me have to suffer too for falling in love?

Girl answers: I will delete your number, your Facebook, just leave me alone. I will never see you ever again.

Boy thinks: Since the first time I saw you, I noticed how your eyes sparkled. They reflected the joy of your heart and I knew that I was the reason for your blushes. Why today, 10 months later, you act like I'm nothing. Why don't you appreciate the time I made that song for you, or that time I stayed up really late at night trying to prevent you from killing yourself? Why...Why....Why. Rivers of blood say more than your heart. Dry land has more water than the juice of the past love I fear is over. Can you say I once had a love? I wish you can come to me and stop overreacting once in for all. Like always, I'll be waiting for you. I'll forgive you and kiss you no matter how deep your words hurt. I believe I truly love you; not like some say just to make you feel better. 

Boy Replies: Goodbye forever..

Dream that never comes true

I know that I am already dead busy. Bio reports needed to be completed for online submission, need to prepare my presentation slides for Thursday, and gotta prepare for two tests coming this week.But still, I really want to write this post is because of I dreamed about you just now. We were like as usual, awkward as F because you never wanted to talk to me like ever again. There was not a single soul around us and then we walked confronting each other and just burst into tears, hugging. Called you silly girl like I always did. But I do know that... it is impossible already right?

See. I do know that once you say you don't care, you wouldn't. But please, just let me care for you. Just for one final day. Because you never try to know... How much I loved you.

I still want to know the reason

I still want to know the reason why.
I just can't let it go I guess...
Triple dots means infinity. That's what Mr.Reza said and that is how it's going to be.
You and me... strangers... Until you open up...
I don't exist anymore... Am I? :)












It hurts... a lot... silly girl

It's not about the item, it's bout your heart

Well let me be a bit sentimental...
I am not going to lecture you... instead you will see me baffle at you =-=

I want a new phone because my phone cracked. its has freaking lots of scratches+ virus + the camera is broken.... But I'm sentimental.... I still love this f**king phone.... (p.s. first cuss word in the entire blog)

I want a new bag. This bag is broken. Lotsa tore and all but man I am sentimental... I had this bag for like three years... Look into my momma eyes and said I want that bag! I wanna buy it with my money. My momma say no. Imma pay it for ya. I want to pay that bag (shouting hysterically). You let me pay or I am not going to take you home.

Made you wasted 1 minute of your time
Okay screw this...
First thing I find it hard to talk bout is myself. Thats why I write....
Isn't it obvious? I mean like... I can't talk bout it so I write bout it? Get it?
Basically I am a freaking sentimental retard.
I would be the most spoiled brat that wants to turn back the clock and do something better such as run for 17 Kilometers to see a person's deadbody.
I am a freak who wants to do shit such as hitting somebody in the head, bite my own cheek so that I would bleed when I cough and I am the person who imagines things that is not real comes to life in the middle of something else.
Most shittiest of all I would imagine things that isn't alive, alive and express gratitude like towards my family's 9 years car because of not breaking down in the highway although have problems in its engine.
Look I know some of you are like that freak imagine stuffs and also being freaking sentimental. They called it childish but we are all childish. Its only that your size has grown. We are being force to follow with people around us and act like someone we don't know. External variables that controls our thoughts and made us go autopilot.
P.s. again.. This post is just for you to waste time, give your freaking mind a small thought.. and for f**k sake you will forget it after a day. At most a week. Hope you like it... although I didn't :P

Happy birthday

This is a post dedicated to someone who I poured so much into it and left
Happy birthday to you :)
Sorry it didn't turn out so well
I am not good enough
Someone told me
I didn't understand you well enough
It hurts me so much....
But I guess she was right
I don't
I keep questioning myself for this past few days...
And worst of all, kept singing
hahaha
Anyways, it's your birthday today and I don't have the courage to go and tell it to your face.. So.....
Happy Birthday